Monday, December 21, 2009
With Bob, its simple and easy. He makes me smile, and likes me for me. That is really a hard concept for me to accept, since I never really felt that anyone could like the full me. He keeps asking where we are to go from here, as in, what is the next step. I am not sure what is scarier... The fact that there is a next step, or that im not sure what it is...
Friday, December 11, 2009
Last weekend, we went to go see The Blue Man Group! It turned out to be a pretty nice show at the Venitian! We also went and danced at Krave saturday night, which was pretty nice as well! This weekend, we will be attending the Train concert at Ceasars Palace, which appearantly is part of one of the local radio stations Christmas celebrations here in Vegas! We will also go shopping at Towne Square, where I hope to get some sushi! Everytime I see him I smile, and it is so unexpected... I had given up, and was done. I was sure dating was not for me for a while now, and contacted Bob on a whim, and I am happy I did! So heres to my sudden turn around, and heres to amazing friends to go with it! Life in the city, awesome!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Life here in Vegas has definitely been an awakening and a renewal. I can hardly imagine my life almost 4 months ago in Corry. I remember the house. My bed, which I do miss; The girls at the Credit Union. But looking at it all, that's about all I miss.. Life here in the city is a great show of endless events. The only drawback of which I see so far is my job. The pay could be better, and it seems to be messing with my schooling and dating life! So, now on to the good stuff!
After Paco and I sort of went our separate ways, my dating life kinda stopped! I took some much needed time for myself. For some reason, I just couldn't get my mind back to being single. Its not like me and Paco were official, or got too serious. But in the grand scheme of Vegas, it was serious for me. Upon moving here, I decided to not do any serious dating, and just sort of have some fun. Some of my friends, or now old friends, made me feel like a whore of some sort for doing this. They would gesture that for me, dating was a sport, and I would be sleeping with many men. In all actuallity, I hadn't slept with anyone upon moving to Vegas. It took about 2 1/2 months before I finally gave in, and had sex.
The occurrence of Paco and the possibility of something more serious prompted an end to my dating sport, and I had to focus and maintain myself with just one person. Tho it only lasted 2 weeks, emotions can chance. From that point, it was hard for me to just jump back into the sport again. I just didn't have it in me. Add the fact that my job now has me working nights from 3:30 to 11:30 normally Monday through Friday doesn't help the situation. But, I think slowly I am getting back on the horse. I have began seeing Bob again, even though I sorta stopped trying to date. It is weird; I decided to stop dating, and all of the sudden, someone comes back into my life. And so, for now, I feel I have risen from the ashes and restarted, or I hope I have. I am taking it slow with Bob. No sex yet, which is partly by choice and by design. I went and got my STD testing done, and must wait till Monday for the results... So, for now I take it slow. Maybe this time around I'll learn how to actually do this thing called dating!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Living in the city has definitely opened new eyes and life the party that s my life. To this point, I have never truly gone through the college "party" phase. While in Olean, I definitely did my small share of drinking. I remember one night, walking home from the bar drunk. At a stoplight, as I waited to cross, a cop car pulled up and stopped. My signal was given, and I was forced to cross the street, drunk, in front of this cop car. That was quite a task, I must say. Other nights I would fall asleep after throwing up what looked like coffee grounds. But those nights were very few and far between. Being here in Vegas has somewhat re-opened that door. Back in Corry, I feared going out to the small town bar. Homosexuality really is not looked at very highly back home. Here, I can go out and have a good night out with friends, which is so different and exciting at the same time, although this time, no throwing up!
This past weekend brought about some discussion with Paco. He made a joke about being a house wife, and in jest, I played along. We joked about in all night, but it brought back memories of my time in Olean, again. After two years of being with bob, I felt as if I was his house wife. Thanksgiving dinner consisted of me cooking everything the way his family wanted it. He would tell me if I could go out or not, my money was his. He was controlling, and sometimes mentally abusive. Sometimes even the smallest conversation about house wives can bring back memories. It all reminds me why I have made the choices I have in my life after moving home. School was a necessity, so I would never need to depend on a man to get anything. My family has actually gotten to the point that they don't know what to get me for my birthday or Yule. If I want something, I buy it! The time in Olean has also made me more independent, maybe a bit bitter as well! I also strived to have my own car, my own insurance, my own phone. Olean just opened my eyes that love doesn't mean fully handing over your life. I don't need a man to buy me stuff, ill do it myself!
Hopefully Vegas will present some opportunities to fully explore the ability of love to be enhancing, not controlling. Until then, I continue my new life! I am having so much fun, and I can't imagine my life not in Vegas!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
So Carrie and I have taken a liking to Derek! Derek is a punk rocky/anti-emo/gay Queen of the Nile! He demands presence where ever he goes, and always has an audience! Upon first meeting, one might view him a stuck up and self centered. I must agree, I thought the same thing when I first met him. But once you get past all the glitz and glamor, Derek is an amazingly good friend with too much heart for everyone around him! He has taken us under his wing, per say, and is showing us what it is like to have some fun in Vegas! He offers nothing but friendship, and I admire that. Back in Erie, it seemed as though no one truly wanted to be our friends. I blame it on the weather. Dark and Gloomy feeds the depressed, so everyone is too wrapped up in their own doing to realize people care about them. The most interesting part of this man is not what he does, but what is around him. There is a small fued developing between him and Kris. Where it started, I have no clue. Our group of friends feel as if we are torn. I feel I have a loyalty to Kris. He was my first friend here, and was the one who showed me night life in Vegas. He has been there when I was bored, and he offered a friendly smile. Derek is becoming one of the most trusting friends I never thought I would find. He is so sweet and kind and willing to share anything with us. I just feel so torn. Kris hasn't talked to me since Monday night, and I swear I feel like he is pulling away. Every time I see him it just seems like he makes some comment to put me down. I want my old Kris back. I miss him. I miss my friend. And of course me being me, I just stay back and let whatever happen. Not quite sure what to do, really.
So, Derek has been going out with us a lot. He's like our new BFF! So, Friday night began with me joining my twin brother on the strip with his Navy buddies. Interesting group I suppose, but I let them be around 2:30ish, needing to go to work the next day. Saturday was mine and Paco's first date.... OK... Back story: I mentioned Paco before. He is such a nice guy, so funny! Cute! Well, I had confided in Kris that I liked someone, but informed him not to say anything to anyone. So, what does he do? Goes and tells Paco! So, Paco begins to ask me questions about when me and this guy are gonna go on a date. A full night of text messaging later, I inform Paco that I like him too! OK, back to the present.
So, Saturday night Paco and I go on our first date. We decided to go to Cheesecake Factory at Green Valley Ranch. Very good food! I had Cheese Cake Factory once before in Cleveland when I lived back home. But the situation at the time over shadowed the experience of Cheesecake Factory. Any who, so Paco and I do our dinner, and then we decide to join my brother once again up on the strip. Now, this might sound like Vegas residents often go to the Strip, since it is apparently the center of the world. But in all actuality, we try to stay away from it. This city has so much more to offer than the strip, and many people don't realize that! So, we make our way to the strip and hang out with my brother. We end up at Carnival Court outside of Harrah's. Nice place, like the atmosphere, but one problem; I had to pay a cover! One of the small perks of living in Las Vegas is that locals don't pay a cover charge! Well, this is true in the gay world at least!!! So, Paco and I hung out at Carnival Court for a small while, but he wasn't really having fun. Stick two gay men in a straight bar and we become confused! Man was not intended to grope and fondle woman parts! It is against gods will! So, we decided to leave. Mr. Paco has a trick up his sleeve tho... He asked if I wanted to go to the airport to watch the airplanes! Now, might sound a bit lame, but it was actually very romantic! Again, one problem... Apparently there is a time when the airport actually stops all air traffic, and no planes go in or out! So what was to be a romantic evening turned sour with our straight world experience and a no go on plane watching! But, we still were able to spend it together, and it was a very nice evening!
Sunday night was the Krave Foam Party, which was a freaking blast! My first ever! I came home soaked from head to toe. Everyone was there except for Kris. Derek stayed right up with me and Carrie the entire night!
Monday night we all decided to go to Freezone for the Karaoke. Derek sang a few songs, and we drank a little but, but a fun night still! Tuesday was drinks with Derek and Carrie at Escape, and Wednesday was dinner at Joyful house, and drinks at Escape. The only reason our weekend stopped, was that Derek and his husband Norman went to LA for a few days, leaving Carrie and I to fend for ourselves. We ended up staying home and eating In N Out Burger!
So, our weekend was sort of a rush. Derek is back again and so we are back into the swing of things! Tonight we have a small dinner for Paco and his friend, than Karaoke with Derek at Escape Lounge!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Its been a month since me and Carrie have moved here to Vegas! It seems much longer than a month has passed since we woke up that Thursday morning, shed some tears and goodbyes, and set out on our voyage. Its difficult to realize that within this past month, I have made new friends, had two jobs, and met several met on dates. How does one truly capture a new life and a new start within a month? My old life seems so far way now. The Credit Union, my friends, my family. Simple things here that are taken for granted seem to overshadow life back east, like weather, and the ability to get any food you desire by just going out your door!
Last night Carrie and I called on some friends to celebrate our one month anniversary at a local bar. A few friends bailed, as expected, but a few did show up! It was nice to have a place to go to hang out with friends, and just be relaxed. When driving home, we discussed that we absolutely love it here in Vegas. Everything in the world you could possibly want is here in Vegas, even New York City! (Or a smaller replica of it!). How could people not love it here!?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
But, another aspect of Vegas is stating to happen. I am making friends... Friday night after the date with Bob I met up with Kris and we headed to the Escape Lounge. There, we met up with other friends, Paco, Spunky, Greg, Derek, and Norman. It was very relaxing to actually just be hanging out with guy friends. In Erie, this didn't happen. It seems that Erie was so against being a community, that they segregated themselves. I mention Paco here because he truly is so funny and great! I feel bad for the man because he went on a bad date. But, tonight Carrie and I are meeting up with everyone to go out to 8 1/2 Pirahna! Making friends seems to be the safest bet here in Vegas, and I'm glad I have found the ones I have!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Back in the fifties and sixties, the rules of dating where re-written. When a boy fancied a girl, geewilikers, he would take her to a movie. When he decided he liked her, he would give her his letter jacket! I can only imagine that those hoop skirts worked perfectly to keep those boys at bay, lifting the skirts to the perfect height of touchy freely! But, dating was simple. If you liked someone, you dated that person, and dating was slow and simple. In today's modern world, dating is less of a state of being or stage of liking each other, and more of a verb to indicate being single, and going on multiple dates with many people.
And so, with it being set that in today's modern social world, dating is the action of going out on A date or many dates, I refer back to Erie. To have a man dating two other men at the same time just didn't happen. So, for me to be in a big city that has enough of a gay presence that any one man could be dating 2 other men, if not more, at the same time, can be a bit overwhelming. In this highly competitive dating arena, has dating become a duel to the end?
With this thought in mind, I must return to my current state of dating. It is sad to say that Brandon is out of the picture. The other morning I texted him inquiring when we would be meeting up again. This prompted his response of, "2012"... OK, fine. That's over. I guess I got my first taste of Vegas bitterness within the first 2 weeks of being here! But, as a fan of the British quote, "The Queen is dead, Long live the Queen" created to indicate that with the death of one Queen, another shall follow: I state that which is true in Vegas, "The date is dead, Long live the date!"
I contacted Peter the other evening about possibly getting dinner. He agreed, and we met at the Elephant Bar at a place called the District. This is a very nice shopping center with a lovely outdoor walking area. You can walk and browse the stores while outside enjoying the magnificent sun here in Las Vegas. So, I met peter in front of the Elephant Bar. But, the curious part about the event was that Peter was on the phone when I arrived. OK, so that wasn't the curious part. The curious part was that Peter was on the phone with another man, informing him that he liked him and wanted to see more of him. Now, I am incredibly analytical, so my mind was in overdrive at this point. I wasn't sure if I should walk away (not after buying a pair of new flip flops, obviously), or stay. I decided to stay, desiring a good meal! Peter got off the phone quickly, but not after informing the man that he would call him in a hour... Wow, an hour for our first date, this is looking promising! We entered the restaurant and were given a seat. We talked about a few things, this and that. The service was great. Our waitress was Katrina, who was a very open and friendly person. I almost felt like she was a friend that I haven't seen in long time. We both finished eating, with me in the mental state that this date was going no where fast. It turned out that we where there for about an hour and a half to two forty five minutes. After eating our desert, Peter requested we walk down the small road that leads through the District, in which I complied. We then made our way to the parking lot and to his car. After discussing a few topics, and of course stalling and some flirting, I began to proceed to my car. Peter stopped me, requesting that I come back. I took the small steps back to him, and we kissed....
And so, I am now thrown into the mix of a duel. Should I fight to win Peter's heart, or throw in the towel? It is no surprise that part of me wishes to peel my glove off, and smack the other man in the face! Game on! But another part of me says to back off. I do not like to cause troubles. But another thought crosses my mind; Should I have to fight to prove my like and intent for someone? Having to constantly feel like I must try and be better then the other man can sometimes make one feel under appreciated. And in the likely occurrence that he chooses the other man, and it fails, would I then be considered the second choice? Trying to change from my old ways of jumping into a relationship, I feel I must give it time. Only time will tell what will happen. I must ask myself though; At what point do you stop fighting, and demand a winner?!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Enter Brandon. Within days of moving here, I already had my first date with him. Again, he made dinner, we had ice cream, we talked. At the current moment, he is playing the distance game. I'm not sure if he is just not interested, or just busy. With my new life and new personal rules of dating in mind, I must commit to my mindfulness: If he isn't interested, bow down. And so, that is what I will do. Why try to keep someones interest what it isn't present to begin with? I could be wrong, and he could just be busy with work and life. If he truly is interested, he will make his intentions known, and I will move on from there.
But, in the mean time... Enter Peter... Back story:
Upon moving to Vegas I had met a few friends. Kris and I have become friends quickly, and he has shown me many places and things to do here that were not available to me back in PA. I thank him every time he shows me something new. Through him, I met a few other friends. He introduced me to a few people at Towne Square, and the other night I met him at Freezone for Karaoke. I had a blast, making fun of the people singing, and also singing along ourselves! I got a few numbers that night from the girls who were with him, and I am excited to know that I am making friends as I go. But, I digress. That night I went to Pirahna to meet Marc, another man I have been talking to on Adam4Adam. We are just friends as well, but I wanted to officially make an introduction. Needless to say, we never got to see each other at Pirahna. Its very dark in one side of the bar, so seeing people can be difficult. While at Pirahna, I met Peter. He was friends with the girls I was with as well. We hung out with Peter for a while, and later in the night the girls left me. I was quite fine with this, being that I was with Peter. Now, Peter seemed friendly at first, but I never thought he liked me. By around 3:30, I was getting tired of dancing and so was Peter, so we decided to leave. As we were talking back to our cars, I thanked Peter for hanging out with me. What can I say... I must be polite! But the best was yet to come. Amidst our talking, Peter had made his intention known that he liked me. After some awkward moments strewn between flirting, Peter and I kissed. He is a very good kisser, I must admit. That's as far as our play time went. We traded phone numbers, and I would really like to get to know him more. No dates have been set, but I'm hoping something gets worked out soon. He seems like a really nice guy...
I tried to break up with dating, but dating refused to go... Should I get a restraining order?
Friday, August 7, 2009
The drive was about 30 minutes to the apartment, and the same back. He really didn't like what he saw, but told the guy he would call him. On the way back, Brandon mentioned going to the East side Cannery to play some blackjack, so that is what we did! We were there for about half an hour. I think we seemed to interact OK. He was quite intrigued to find out I had categories of men, and wanted to know what category he was in. I did not give him this information right off the bat, I just let it go. Afterwards, I we were back in his parking lot, and I was at my car, saying goodbye. Now, it has been known to me that there should be a goodnight kiss at the end of a date.... So, like usual, I eagerly waited this kiss. Brandon approached me, and we had a small bit of friendly banter. A chuckle here, a giggle there... Still, I waited on baited breath. Will he kiss me, or not? And to my dismay... It was a not... All I got was a friendly hug. If a man so interested in what category I am, and even informed me that he was interested in me, is so interested... Why didn't he kiss me?
Now, one must analyze the situation fully, and being a true Gemini, I always analyze. Quickly my mind went to work. Does he like me? He mentioned other men he was talking too, was this a ploy to see how I felt? Maybe he isn't interested... So, I decided to text him, and informed him his category was Dating. He seemed to like that. So, daring as I am, I informed him that this category might change since I did not receive my goodnight kiss. Two can play the mind game. He responded that he can not give all of his goodness at once........... WTF does that mean?! This man truly knows how to play the game. And I, being an armature, am completely befuddled. Time will tell. But, it does beg the question: Is the lack of a goodnight kiss really just the Kiss of Death?! Until next time!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Kris: Works up in Summerlin in a banking facility. Cute, dorky (His words)! Category - Friends...
Just telling someone you want to be just friends can be scary enough, but I truly feel that this type of person has a connection different than others. Friends are a vibe without sexual desire. They just are, nothing beyond. I am in a new city, without a job... I can not be going off and dating tons of men! But Kris is cool! Gonna hang out with him later tonight again!
Brandon: Works up at the air force base. Cute, Masculine, Assertive. Category - Dating.
Monday night was officially my first date in Las Vegas. I went over to his place and he made me dinner. Grilled Chicken with potatoes and green beans. Great meal! He is a really good cook! Afterwards we went for ice cream. I promised Carrie I wouldn't have sex with him, and I stuck to my guns! We might have fooled around a bit, but it was all in good play! Would I see him again? I can not be certain... I would like to do dinner again, maybe once I have a job! He might not want the same, but time will tell!
And the last Category - No! Men who I just plain ol' say no too! But, in the spirit of trying to be a new person, I have dedicated myself to being much more truthful then I have been! So, I will inform the ones who go in the No Category, that I am not interested. How many times I have laid in bed wondering if I am a No, Friends, or Dating kind of person. By being upfront and truthful, I hope to alleviate that stress that maybe put onto others!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
I always felt that my experience with discrimination really did not go too far. One time when I working at a video store, some guys walked in and called me a fag. That was really the full extent of my worse experience. At least from the straight world. Now, the gay world is different. Seems like everyone is out to judge and discriminate each other. The daddies don't like the twinks, the jocks don't like the queens, the fit don't like the chubs, vanilla doesn't like the leather. No matter who you are, some group doesn't like you. I had always thought that since I was gay, anyone who was gay would like me, no matter what. Even if it was just as friends, gay men should like gay men!
When I started going out to the clubs and hanging out with men, I slowly saw a split happening. No one likes anyone else in the gay world! I'm hoping this perception is only one that exists in the Erie area. I own this fact to the lack of sun. They say that people who see sun more then rain are happier people. Maybe Vegas will offer happier homo's. Happier homo's make happier groups, and maybe less discrimination!