Friday night, and its out on the town we go! 8 1/2 Piranha is our destination tonight. Our friend Steven got us a VIP room! The text message that we all got says open bar till 12, so let’s hope we make it! The night started out at the home of the famous Devin Danger, who hosted tonight’s theme dinner, Tapas’. I made Empanadas, which could have used more salt. Next week we all plan to get together for Super Bowl Sunday, and enjoy friends, booze, and football!
In other words, Bob and I have been dating for almost R months now. I am starting to get scared. I've never been in a relationship for this long where things are just, normal. We don't fight, things just kind of flow and work. Last night I was laying in bed almost freaking out, and I realized... I have never passed the point of infatuation with everyone. I don't know what to do, or how to act. He probably thinks I am some sort of emotional freak... I sort of feel like one. Not sure what to do, just hold on and try to get through it without chasing him away...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sometimes, its hard to admit certain things about yourself...
Bob and I have now been together about 4 weeks, and I think things are running smoothly! But being in a relationship really forces you to question yourself, and to admit a lot. I never truly felt like I ever dated anyone. It is more clear now than ever before that I had no idea how to do this relationship thing. It is hard to realize that after all the dates and men that were in and out of my life, I still didn't learn how to truly date any one of them.
With Bob, its simple and easy. He makes me smile, and likes me for me. That is really a hard concept for me to accept, since I never really felt that anyone could like the full me. He keeps asking where we are to go from here, as in, what is the next step. I am not sure what is scarier... The fact that there is a next step, or that im not sure what it is...
With Bob, its simple and easy. He makes me smile, and likes me for me. That is really a hard concept for me to accept, since I never really felt that anyone could like the full me. He keeps asking where we are to go from here, as in, what is the next step. I am not sure what is scarier... The fact that there is a next step, or that im not sure what it is...
Friday, December 11, 2009
Who knew that within a short amount of time, thing could change so quickly?! As i mentioned before, I started to talk to Bob again. I came to find out that he had been thinking about me lately. Maybe my desire to speak to him again was a direct reaction to him thinking about me, like some sort of mind connection! Last time that I spoke to him, he had mentioned that when dating, he makes it a point to not speak to his ex's or men he dated ever again, so to my suprise, he responded to my text. Greatfully, I accepted his invitation to a dinner party for a girl he worked with, and the rest his history! We have been together for two weeks, and each time I see him, things just get better!
Last weekend, we went to go see The Blue Man Group! It turned out to be a pretty nice show at the Venitian! We also went and danced at Krave saturday night, which was pretty nice as well! This weekend, we will be attending the Train concert at Ceasars Palace, which appearantly is part of one of the local radio stations Christmas celebrations here in Vegas! We will also go shopping at Towne Square, where I hope to get some sushi! Everytime I see him I smile, and it is so unexpected... I had given up, and was done. I was sure dating was not for me for a while now, and contacted Bob on a whim, and I am happy I did! So heres to my sudden turn around, and heres to amazing friends to go with it! Life in the city, awesome!
Last weekend, we went to go see The Blue Man Group! It turned out to be a pretty nice show at the Venitian! We also went and danced at Krave saturday night, which was pretty nice as well! This weekend, we will be attending the Train concert at Ceasars Palace, which appearantly is part of one of the local radio stations Christmas celebrations here in Vegas! We will also go shopping at Towne Square, where I hope to get some sushi! Everytime I see him I smile, and it is so unexpected... I had given up, and was done. I was sure dating was not for me for a while now, and contacted Bob on a whim, and I am happy I did! So heres to my sudden turn around, and heres to amazing friends to go with it! Life in the city, awesome!
Monday, November 23, 2009
From the ashes!
The fire quickly burned out, in a flash of white light and orange sunset, leaving a small pile of ash. Like snow, ash drifted softly in the air, remembering that which once existed. Caught in a moment of solitude, an awakening begins to happen. A movement here, a shift in dust there. Slowly, the pile of ash seems to move, giving life to this seemingly dead place. An eruption, and from the ashes comes a new being. As if same as before, but completely changed, this new being braves the new world with eager eyes and mind.
Life here in Vegas has definitely been an awakening and a renewal. I can hardly imagine my life almost 4 months ago in Corry. I remember the house. My bed, which I do miss; The girls at the Credit Union. But looking at it all, that's about all I miss.. Life here in the city is a great show of endless events. The only drawback of which I see so far is my job. The pay could be better, and it seems to be messing with my schooling and dating life! So, now on to the good stuff!
After Paco and I sort of went our separate ways, my dating life kinda stopped! I took some much needed time for myself. For some reason, I just couldn't get my mind back to being single. Its not like me and Paco were official, or got too serious. But in the grand scheme of Vegas, it was serious for me. Upon moving here, I decided to not do any serious dating, and just sort of have some fun. Some of my friends, or now old friends, made me feel like a whore of some sort for doing this. They would gesture that for me, dating was a sport, and I would be sleeping with many men. In all actuallity, I hadn't slept with anyone upon moving to Vegas. It took about 2 1/2 months before I finally gave in, and had sex.
The occurrence of Paco and the possibility of something more serious prompted an end to my dating sport, and I had to focus and maintain myself with just one person. Tho it only lasted 2 weeks, emotions can chance. From that point, it was hard for me to just jump back into the sport again. I just didn't have it in me. Add the fact that my job now has me working nights from 3:30 to 11:30 normally Monday through Friday doesn't help the situation. But, I think slowly I am getting back on the horse. I have began seeing Bob again, even though I sorta stopped trying to date. It is weird; I decided to stop dating, and all of the sudden, someone comes back into my life. And so, for now, I feel I have risen from the ashes and restarted, or I hope I have. I am taking it slow with Bob. No sex yet, which is partly by choice and by design. I went and got my STD testing done, and must wait till Monday for the results... So, for now I take it slow. Maybe this time around I'll learn how to actually do this thing called dating!
Life here in Vegas has definitely been an awakening and a renewal. I can hardly imagine my life almost 4 months ago in Corry. I remember the house. My bed, which I do miss; The girls at the Credit Union. But looking at it all, that's about all I miss.. Life here in the city is a great show of endless events. The only drawback of which I see so far is my job. The pay could be better, and it seems to be messing with my schooling and dating life! So, now on to the good stuff!
After Paco and I sort of went our separate ways, my dating life kinda stopped! I took some much needed time for myself. For some reason, I just couldn't get my mind back to being single. Its not like me and Paco were official, or got too serious. But in the grand scheme of Vegas, it was serious for me. Upon moving here, I decided to not do any serious dating, and just sort of have some fun. Some of my friends, or now old friends, made me feel like a whore of some sort for doing this. They would gesture that for me, dating was a sport, and I would be sleeping with many men. In all actuallity, I hadn't slept with anyone upon moving to Vegas. It took about 2 1/2 months before I finally gave in, and had sex.
The occurrence of Paco and the possibility of something more serious prompted an end to my dating sport, and I had to focus and maintain myself with just one person. Tho it only lasted 2 weeks, emotions can chance. From that point, it was hard for me to just jump back into the sport again. I just didn't have it in me. Add the fact that my job now has me working nights from 3:30 to 11:30 normally Monday through Friday doesn't help the situation. But, I think slowly I am getting back on the horse. I have began seeing Bob again, even though I sorta stopped trying to date. It is weird; I decided to stop dating, and all of the sudden, someone comes back into my life. And so, for now, I feel I have risen from the ashes and restarted, or I hope I have. I am taking it slow with Bob. No sex yet, which is partly by choice and by design. I went and got my STD testing done, and must wait till Monday for the results... So, for now I take it slow. Maybe this time around I'll learn how to actually do this thing called dating!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
House Hife
Living in the city has definitely opened new eyes and life the party that s my life. To this point, I have never truly gone through the college "party" phase. While in Olean, I definitely did my small share of drinking. I remember one night, walking home from the bar drunk. At a stoplight, as I waited to cross, a cop car pulled up and stopped. My signal was given, and I was forced to cross the street, drunk, in front of this cop car. That was quite a task, I must say. Other nights I would fall asleep after throwing up what looked like coffee grounds. But those nights were very few and far between. Being here in Vegas has somewhat re-opened that door. Back in Corry, I feared going out to the small town bar. Homosexuality really is not looked at very highly back home. Here, I can go out and have a good night out with friends, which is so different and exciting at the same time, although this time, no throwing up!
This past weekend brought about some discussion with Paco. He made a joke about being a house wife, and in jest, I played along. We joked about in all night, but it brought back memories of my time in Olean, again. After two years of being with bob, I felt as if I was his house wife. Thanksgiving dinner consisted of me cooking everything the way his family wanted it. He would tell me if I could go out or not, my money was his. He was controlling, and sometimes mentally abusive. Sometimes even the smallest conversation about house wives can bring back memories. It all reminds me why I have made the choices I have in my life after moving home. School was a necessity, so I would never need to depend on a man to get anything. My family has actually gotten to the point that they don't know what to get me for my birthday or Yule. If I want something, I buy it! The time in Olean has also made me more independent, maybe a bit bitter as well! I also strived to have my own car, my own insurance, my own phone. Olean just opened my eyes that love doesn't mean fully handing over your life. I don't need a man to buy me stuff, ill do it myself!
Hopefully Vegas will present some opportunities to fully explore the ability of love to be enhancing, not controlling. Until then, I continue my new life! I am having so much fun, and I can't imagine my life not in Vegas!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Friendly Fued
I think that Carrie quoted it best when she said, "Those who say life isn't a party, doesn't live in Vegas!". This past week has been a blur! Let me bring you all up to speed...
So Carrie and I have taken a liking to Derek! Derek is a punk rocky/anti-emo/gay Queen of the Nile! He demands presence where ever he goes, and always has an audience! Upon first meeting, one might view him a stuck up and self centered. I must agree, I thought the same thing when I first met him. But once you get past all the glitz and glamor, Derek is an amazingly good friend with too much heart for everyone around him! He has taken us under his wing, per say, and is showing us what it is like to have some fun in Vegas! He offers nothing but friendship, and I admire that. Back in Erie, it seemed as though no one truly wanted to be our friends. I blame it on the weather. Dark and Gloomy feeds the depressed, so everyone is too wrapped up in their own doing to realize people care about them. The most interesting part of this man is not what he does, but what is around him. There is a small fued developing between him and Kris. Where it started, I have no clue. Our group of friends feel as if we are torn. I feel I have a loyalty to Kris. He was my first friend here, and was the one who showed me night life in Vegas. He has been there when I was bored, and he offered a friendly smile. Derek is becoming one of the most trusting friends I never thought I would find. He is so sweet and kind and willing to share anything with us. I just feel so torn. Kris hasn't talked to me since Monday night, and I swear I feel like he is pulling away. Every time I see him it just seems like he makes some comment to put me down. I want my old Kris back. I miss him. I miss my friend. And of course me being me, I just stay back and let whatever happen. Not quite sure what to do, really.
So, Derek has been going out with us a lot. He's like our new BFF! So, Friday night began with me joining my twin brother on the strip with his Navy buddies. Interesting group I suppose, but I let them be around 2:30ish, needing to go to work the next day. Saturday was mine and Paco's first date.... OK... Back story: I mentioned Paco before. He is such a nice guy, so funny! Cute! Well, I had confided in Kris that I liked someone, but informed him not to say anything to anyone. So, what does he do? Goes and tells Paco! So, Paco begins to ask me questions about when me and this guy are gonna go on a date. A full night of text messaging later, I inform Paco that I like him too! OK, back to the present.
So, Saturday night Paco and I go on our first date. We decided to go to Cheesecake Factory at Green Valley Ranch. Very good food! I had Cheese Cake Factory once before in Cleveland when I lived back home. But the situation at the time over shadowed the experience of Cheesecake Factory. Any who, so Paco and I do our dinner, and then we decide to join my brother once again up on the strip. Now, this might sound like Vegas residents often go to the Strip, since it is apparently the center of the world. But in all actuality, we try to stay away from it. This city has so much more to offer than the strip, and many people don't realize that! So, we make our way to the strip and hang out with my brother. We end up at Carnival Court outside of Harrah's. Nice place, like the atmosphere, but one problem; I had to pay a cover! One of the small perks of living in Las Vegas is that locals don't pay a cover charge! Well, this is true in the gay world at least!!! So, Paco and I hung out at Carnival Court for a small while, but he wasn't really having fun. Stick two gay men in a straight bar and we become confused! Man was not intended to grope and fondle woman parts! It is against gods will! So, we decided to leave. Mr. Paco has a trick up his sleeve tho... He asked if I wanted to go to the airport to watch the airplanes! Now, might sound a bit lame, but it was actually very romantic! Again, one problem... Apparently there is a time when the airport actually stops all air traffic, and no planes go in or out! So what was to be a romantic evening turned sour with our straight world experience and a no go on plane watching! But, we still were able to spend it together, and it was a very nice evening!
Sunday night was the Krave Foam Party, which was a freaking blast! My first ever! I came home soaked from head to toe. Everyone was there except for Kris. Derek stayed right up with me and Carrie the entire night!
Monday night we all decided to go to Freezone for the Karaoke. Derek sang a few songs, and we drank a little but, but a fun night still! Tuesday was drinks with Derek and Carrie at Escape, and Wednesday was dinner at Joyful house, and drinks at Escape. The only reason our weekend stopped, was that Derek and his husband Norman went to LA for a few days, leaving Carrie and I to fend for ourselves. We ended up staying home and eating In N Out Burger!
So, our weekend was sort of a rush. Derek is back again and so we are back into the swing of things! Tonight we have a small dinner for Paco and his friend, than Karaoke with Derek at Escape Lounge!
So Carrie and I have taken a liking to Derek! Derek is a punk rocky/anti-emo/gay Queen of the Nile! He demands presence where ever he goes, and always has an audience! Upon first meeting, one might view him a stuck up and self centered. I must agree, I thought the same thing when I first met him. But once you get past all the glitz and glamor, Derek is an amazingly good friend with too much heart for everyone around him! He has taken us under his wing, per say, and is showing us what it is like to have some fun in Vegas! He offers nothing but friendship, and I admire that. Back in Erie, it seemed as though no one truly wanted to be our friends. I blame it on the weather. Dark and Gloomy feeds the depressed, so everyone is too wrapped up in their own doing to realize people care about them. The most interesting part of this man is not what he does, but what is around him. There is a small fued developing between him and Kris. Where it started, I have no clue. Our group of friends feel as if we are torn. I feel I have a loyalty to Kris. He was my first friend here, and was the one who showed me night life in Vegas. He has been there when I was bored, and he offered a friendly smile. Derek is becoming one of the most trusting friends I never thought I would find. He is so sweet and kind and willing to share anything with us. I just feel so torn. Kris hasn't talked to me since Monday night, and I swear I feel like he is pulling away. Every time I see him it just seems like he makes some comment to put me down. I want my old Kris back. I miss him. I miss my friend. And of course me being me, I just stay back and let whatever happen. Not quite sure what to do, really.
So, Derek has been going out with us a lot. He's like our new BFF! So, Friday night began with me joining my twin brother on the strip with his Navy buddies. Interesting group I suppose, but I let them be around 2:30ish, needing to go to work the next day. Saturday was mine and Paco's first date.... OK... Back story: I mentioned Paco before. He is such a nice guy, so funny! Cute! Well, I had confided in Kris that I liked someone, but informed him not to say anything to anyone. So, what does he do? Goes and tells Paco! So, Paco begins to ask me questions about when me and this guy are gonna go on a date. A full night of text messaging later, I inform Paco that I like him too! OK, back to the present.
So, Saturday night Paco and I go on our first date. We decided to go to Cheesecake Factory at Green Valley Ranch. Very good food! I had Cheese Cake Factory once before in Cleveland when I lived back home. But the situation at the time over shadowed the experience of Cheesecake Factory. Any who, so Paco and I do our dinner, and then we decide to join my brother once again up on the strip. Now, this might sound like Vegas residents often go to the Strip, since it is apparently the center of the world. But in all actuality, we try to stay away from it. This city has so much more to offer than the strip, and many people don't realize that! So, we make our way to the strip and hang out with my brother. We end up at Carnival Court outside of Harrah's. Nice place, like the atmosphere, but one problem; I had to pay a cover! One of the small perks of living in Las Vegas is that locals don't pay a cover charge! Well, this is true in the gay world at least!!! So, Paco and I hung out at Carnival Court for a small while, but he wasn't really having fun. Stick two gay men in a straight bar and we become confused! Man was not intended to grope and fondle woman parts! It is against gods will! So, we decided to leave. Mr. Paco has a trick up his sleeve tho... He asked if I wanted to go to the airport to watch the airplanes! Now, might sound a bit lame, but it was actually very romantic! Again, one problem... Apparently there is a time when the airport actually stops all air traffic, and no planes go in or out! So what was to be a romantic evening turned sour with our straight world experience and a no go on plane watching! But, we still were able to spend it together, and it was a very nice evening!
Sunday night was the Krave Foam Party, which was a freaking blast! My first ever! I came home soaked from head to toe. Everyone was there except for Kris. Derek stayed right up with me and Carrie the entire night!
Monday night we all decided to go to Freezone for the Karaoke. Derek sang a few songs, and we drank a little but, but a fun night still! Tuesday was drinks with Derek and Carrie at Escape, and Wednesday was dinner at Joyful house, and drinks at Escape. The only reason our weekend stopped, was that Derek and his husband Norman went to LA for a few days, leaving Carrie and I to fend for ourselves. We ended up staying home and eating In N Out Burger!
So, our weekend was sort of a rush. Derek is back again and so we are back into the swing of things! Tonight we have a small dinner for Paco and his friend, than Karaoke with Derek at Escape Lounge!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
One month down!
Time is a funny thing: sometimes it feels like time has stopped all together, capturing you in a moment that can either be amazing, or heartbreaking. Writers utilize this time moment all the time, explaining that time seems to have stand still all together. Other times, time seems to speed up, like a race to the finish. These moments usually happen when we are late for work, and no matter what, that clock seems to start counting the minutes faster and faster! Time is a funny thing...
Its been a month since me and Carrie have moved here to Vegas! It seems much longer than a month has passed since we woke up that Thursday morning, shed some tears and goodbyes, and set out on our voyage. Its difficult to realize that within this past month, I have made new friends, had two jobs, and met several met on dates. How does one truly capture a new life and a new start within a month? My old life seems so far way now. The Credit Union, my friends, my family. Simple things here that are taken for granted seem to overshadow life back east, like weather, and the ability to get any food you desire by just going out your door!
Last night Carrie and I called on some friends to celebrate our one month anniversary at a local bar. A few friends bailed, as expected, but a few did show up! It was nice to have a place to go to hang out with friends, and just be relaxed. When driving home, we discussed that we absolutely love it here in Vegas. Everything in the world you could possibly want is here in Vegas, even New York City! (Or a smaller replica of it!). How could people not love it here!?
Its been a month since me and Carrie have moved here to Vegas! It seems much longer than a month has passed since we woke up that Thursday morning, shed some tears and goodbyes, and set out on our voyage. Its difficult to realize that within this past month, I have made new friends, had two jobs, and met several met on dates. How does one truly capture a new life and a new start within a month? My old life seems so far way now. The Credit Union, my friends, my family. Simple things here that are taken for granted seem to overshadow life back east, like weather, and the ability to get any food you desire by just going out your door!
Last night Carrie and I called on some friends to celebrate our one month anniversary at a local bar. A few friends bailed, as expected, but a few did show up! It was nice to have a place to go to hang out with friends, and just be relaxed. When driving home, we discussed that we absolutely love it here in Vegas. Everything in the world you could possibly want is here in Vegas, even New York City! (Or a smaller replica of it!). How could people not love it here!?
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