Endings

It has taken some time, but I must officially admit to myself that its over. Bob and I have broken up... It happened about two weeks ago. We went to watch Valentines Day, and afterwords we each went home. We started talking on facebook, and after about half an hour, we mutually broke up.

At the time, it seemed all well and good. But after about a week, I realized I was single again. Its just like me to get so worked up over not being alone anymore, that it takes recovery time for me to realize that I am indeed, alone again. I don't know why or how, but it always burns inside of me when I'm single.

Now, my feelings are not without my angers towards relationships as well. At this current moment, I am fighting a battle. One side of me does not wish to be in a relationship. Hard work seems to never pay off. And most men are just crazy. They always judge you, and make you seem less than you are. And dating is expensive, and hard on the waste line! And then there is the idea of love, and how crazy we get just to have it! Or, when we are in love, how crazy we act! Some people will change their entire lives in order to be with the person they love, then loose it all. How is this healthy? How can, mentally, anyone agree to take part in this act of love that makes us question who we are, and what we do? All for an emotional charge in our being. Its worthless I say.

And then, that other small part of me begins to talk. That yearning for someone else to be with, to kiss, laugh, talk, enjoy. Someone who loves you and admires you. A yearning for a first kiss again, the rush of romance... The feeling of not having to deal with dating ever again... How i want to be with someone again.

This torrent of emotions is twisting inside of me like a rabid tornado. I hate this part...

First bad night!

Last weekend started out a bit rough. Friday night we all got together for Tapas at Devins. Very good food, and great friends! As I had mentioned before, iwe all decided to take a lovely trip to 8 1/2 Piranha, which is one of the dance clubs we like! Steven dressed up in drag, so it was looking to be a good night!

Unfortunately, the mirage soon faded. Steven got us a VIP room, which is actually quite expensive. There were quite a few of us, including &oe, who Steven brought with him. Joe is much younger, and appearently has not learned how to hold his liquor. He drank an entire bottle of vodka, and ended up throwing up all over me, and needed to be carried out of the club over the shoulder of a bouncer...

brunch!

Today we are having brunch at Firefly on Paradise and Flamingo, which features Tapas', mini appetizers that come together to form a meal! I ordered the Filet Minion mini sliders, which sounded good! Me and burgers... I swear its my Achilles heal!

Night Out

Friday night, and its out on the town we go! 8 1/2 Piranha is our destination tonight. Our friend Steven got us a VIP room! The text message that we all got says open bar till 12, so let’s hope we make it! The night started out at the home of the famous Devin Danger, who hosted tonight’s theme dinner, Tapas’. I made Empanadas, which could have used more salt. Next week we all plan to get together for Super Bowl Sunday, and enjoy friends, booze, and football!

In other words, Bob and I have been dating for almost R months now. I am starting to get scared. I've never been in a relationship for this long where things are just, normal. We don't fight, things just kind of flow and work. Last night I was laying in bed almost freaking out, and I realized... I have never passed the point of infatuation with everyone. I don't know what to do, or how to act. He probably thinks I am some sort of emotional freak... I sort of feel like one. Not sure what to do, just hold on and try to get through it without chasing him away...

Sometimes, its hard to admit certain things about yourself...

Bob and I have now been together about 4 weeks, and I think things are running smoothly! But being in a relationship really forces you to question yourself, and to admit a lot. I never truly felt like I ever dated anyone. It is more clear now than ever before that I had no idea how to do this relationship thing. It is hard to realize that after all the dates and men that were in and out of my life, I still didn't learn how to truly date any one of them.

With Bob, its simple and easy. He makes me smile, and likes me for me. That is really a hard concept for me to accept, since I never really felt that anyone could like the full me. He keeps asking where we are to go from here, as in, what is the next step. I am not sure what is scarier... The fact that there is a next step, or that im not sure what it is...

Who knew that within a short amount of time, thing could change so quickly?! As i mentioned before, I started to talk to Bob again. I came to find out that he had been thinking about me lately. Maybe my desire to speak to him again was a direct reaction to him thinking about me, like some sort of mind connection! Last time that I spoke to him, he had mentioned that when dating, he makes it a point to not speak to his ex's or men he dated ever again, so to my suprise, he responded to my text. Greatfully, I accepted his invitation to a dinner party for a girl he worked with, and the rest his history! We have been together for two weeks, and each time I see him, things just get better!
Last weekend, we went to go see The Blue Man Group! It turned out to be a pretty nice show at the Venitian! We also went and danced at Krave saturday night, which was pretty nice as well! This weekend, we will be attending the Train concert at Ceasars Palace, which appearantly is part of one of the local radio stations Christmas celebrations here in Vegas! We will also go shopping at Towne Square, where I hope to get some sushi! Everytime I see him I smile, and it is so unexpected... I had given up, and was done. I was sure dating was not for me for a while now, and contacted Bob on a whim, and I am happy I did! So heres to my sudden turn around, and heres to amazing friends to go with it! Life in the city, awesome!

From the ashes!

The fire quickly burned out, in a flash of white light and orange sunset, leaving a small pile of ash. Like snow, ash drifted softly in the air, remembering that which once existed. Caught in a moment of solitude, an awakening begins to happen. A movement here, a shift in dust there. Slowly, the pile of ash seems to move, giving life to this seemingly dead place. An eruption, and from the ashes comes a new being. As if same as before, but completely changed, this new being braves the new world with eager eyes and mind.

Life here in Vegas has definitely been an awakening and a renewal. I can hardly imagine my life almost 4 months ago in Corry. I remember the house. My bed, which I do miss; The girls at the Credit Union. But looking at it all, that's about all I miss.. Life here in the city is a great show of endless events. The only drawback of which I see so far is my job. The pay could be better, and it seems to be messing with my schooling and dating life! So, now on to the good stuff!

After Paco and I sort of went our separate ways, my dating life kinda stopped! I took some much needed time for myself. For some reason, I just couldn't get my mind back to being single. Its not like me and Paco were official, or got too serious. But in the grand scheme of Vegas, it was serious for me. Upon moving here, I decided to not do any serious dating, and just sort of have some fun. Some of my friends, or now old friends, made me feel like a whore of some sort for doing this. They would gesture that for me, dating was a sport, and I would be sleeping with many men. In all actuallity, I hadn't slept with anyone upon moving to Vegas. It took about 2 1/2 months before I finally gave in, and had sex.

The occurrence of Paco and the possibility of something more serious prompted an end to my dating sport, and I had to focus and maintain myself with just one person. Tho it only lasted 2 weeks, emotions can chance. From that point, it was hard for me to just jump back into the sport again. I just didn't have it in me. Add the fact that my job now has me working nights from 3:30 to 11:30 normally Monday through Friday doesn't help the situation. But, I think slowly I am getting back on the horse. I have began seeing Bob again, even though I sorta stopped trying to date. It is weird; I decided to stop dating, and all of the sudden, someone comes back into my life. And so, for now, I feel I have risen from the ashes and restarted, or I hope I have. I am taking it slow with Bob. No sex yet, which is partly by choice and by design. I went and got my STD testing done, and must wait till Monday for the results... So, for now I take it slow. Maybe this time around I'll learn how to actually do this thing called dating!