How Zen of us!

So, to continue, I have been seeing someone. His name is Manny, and he has been great to me. Almost 6 months now. Longest actual meaningful relationship I've really ever had. Its made me realize why kinds of issues i have with dating, and long term commitment. Apparently I have many issues! But he has helped me work through them, and is still helping me!

The other night, we had a wonderful night out. We went down to Mandarin Oriental down on the Strip. We first went into the Mandarin Bar, on the 23rd floor. It was kind of slow in there, which meant we got an amazing two seater at at the window. It looked out onto the entire strip! Sometimes, when you live here, you kind of forget where you live, until your in a place like this! It was the most elegant thing i have done to date!

To start, we each chose a drink. I started with the Vanilla Skyline. It was a Champagne drink with strawberries and hennessy black. Manny started with an Easter Drop. It had Lemon Grass tea and Belvedere Citrus. They were both very good! So good, we got another round of drinks! I got the Passion Fruit Sour, which was very sweet. Manny got a Side Car. With these drinks we also tried a few appetizers.

After our drinks and appetizers, we headed down to MOzen. Thai restaurant offers many oriental dishes all in one place. I ordered the Murgh Makhani, which was a red curry meal with chicken. Manny ordered the Thai Green Curry with Prawns. Both we the best food, i swear, i have ever had! We were given different types of Naan, and also some more drinks. It was so amazing, we experienced food coma!

Stripper Karaoke

Tonight we are at the Hustler Club, doing Karaoke with Sheila! I have already sang" Speechless" by lady gay gay! And I am planning on singing" how many licks" and some "circus"! We got free bottle service with 6+ people, so a fun night here we come!

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The Excuse

Most people would try and create excuses as to why they have stopped posting, or talking to friends. Well... That's what I am about to do! I seeing someone!!! I have been in a relationship since the end of February. Well, he wants to make the official date March 1st, but my credit card statement says the end of Feb!

Here's the low down: He's a master level chef, and he's older! 38 now. 2 dogs, 2 cars, his own place, and loves my friends. When i had officially decided to not date anymore, it was when he showed up.

For all those years, people would say, "It's when your not looking that you find the right one!" In the back of my head, I would think, "I wonder what would happen if I had a sledge hammer right now..." But, I swear, it's true! And it was so weird, all of the sudden, being a 'We' and an 'Us'. To say, "No, I'm sorry. I'm with someone." When someone hits on me. Of course, that came along with the fact that I was actually being hit on more than once a month. And, on that note, when your actually with someone, people flock to you and hit on you! Its like there is a waiting room to my heart, when its closed! Again, weird to say, "no, go away" for the first time in my life.

But, there is my reason. And I'd like to say I'd post more often, but I can't actually say. Tonite is stripper Karaoke at the Hustler Club with the friends. Maybe I'll post from there!

me and laurenza

Another from crews'n

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night out

Me and lauren decided to have a night out! We ended up at crews'n, on sahara.

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To renew and reinvent!

Not really sure where to start, but I guess its always good to start at the beginning. I understand I have stopped writing, but I am again going to try and fix that. To begin, me and Carrie are no longer talking. Events happened; some my own fault, others not, that have split us up. This was a traumatic blow to me. I have known her for 9 years now, and to not have her in my life is hard. This happened maybe a month ago, or a month and a half. Since then, I have tried to deal with the depression that I have been in for quite some time now. Depression is not a good friend to have around. It molds you into someone new. I am no longer as depressed as I was, but its still there.

Now, for dating, there has been a general lack of dating in my life. I have gone on a few dates, and for about a month or so I was seeing a 20 year old. The sex was great, but we really didn't have much to talk about. He was interested in doing drag, and I just can't see myself dating a drag queen. No offense to the queens out there. I do love you all, and one of my best friends is a drag queen. But dating wise, I just don't think I can do it. Other men have come into and out of my life as well. I guess I am just conceding to adage that the dating scene here sucks. But, I do like to recant that statement by asking, "Show me a place where the dating scene IS GOOD." I am not saying that all men are horrible. I am just stating that dating here can be difficult.

For instance, while at work one day, (and I was not looking too cute by the way!) a young man cashing a check asked me to come and visit him at his work. He works at one of the local gay bars in town. Sweet guy, cute, funny! He had that child like quality in him that I admire! So, after much consideration, I decided to go see him at work. He flirted, smiled, asked if I was single! Seemed like it was going well! Then he informs me he kinda has a boyfriend.... His words were, "I'm in transition".... Oh, well then. How nice for you. Thank you for wasting my time. Here I thought you liked me, but no... You just wanted customers to come to your bar! Hence, dating here is hard.

So, to the present. I am still working for the check cashing/payday loan company. I am an assistant manager now at the closest payday loan company to the strip. We really get to see many interesting people, and its a fun store to work at! We like to say that our store is an HR disaster waiting to happen.

This past weekend was Halloween, which is actually a religious holiday for me! Halloween is the Wiccan New Year. So, I went out and had some fun. I had an OK time. I started at a warehouse party in the warehouse district, which was alright. I then moved to Charlies and met up with Co-Workers. Me and one of my close friends and Co-Workers then went to Funhog Ranch. Funhog has become one of my normal places to go when out. It is basically just a bar. No dancing, no shows. Just a bar to hang out at and be with friends! The next night, the Co-Workers and I met down at Fremont Street. It was crazy down there, and we had a blast! Again, me and the Co-Worker ended up going to Funhog. My friend picked up two guys and we went to 777 Inside the Hard Rock Hotel. It was a fun night, but I ended up alone, like normal. So there, you are all up to date! Hope to be writing more often!

Endings

It has taken some time, but I must officially admit to myself that its over. Bob and I have broken up... It happened about two weeks ago. We went to watch Valentines Day, and afterwords we each went home. We started talking on facebook, and after about half an hour, we mutually broke up.

At the time, it seemed all well and good. But after about a week, I realized I was single again. Its just like me to get so worked up over not being alone anymore, that it takes recovery time for me to realize that I am indeed, alone again. I don't know why or how, but it always burns inside of me when I'm single.

Now, my feelings are not without my angers towards relationships as well. At this current moment, I am fighting a battle. One side of me does not wish to be in a relationship. Hard work seems to never pay off. And most men are just crazy. They always judge you, and make you seem less than you are. And dating is expensive, and hard on the waste line! And then there is the idea of love, and how crazy we get just to have it! Or, when we are in love, how crazy we act! Some people will change their entire lives in order to be with the person they love, then loose it all. How is this healthy? How can, mentally, anyone agree to take part in this act of love that makes us question who we are, and what we do? All for an emotional charge in our being. Its worthless I say.

And then, that other small part of me begins to talk. That yearning for someone else to be with, to kiss, laugh, talk, enjoy. Someone who loves you and admires you. A yearning for a first kiss again, the rush of romance... The feeling of not having to deal with dating ever again... How i want to be with someone again.

This torrent of emotions is twisting inside of me like a rabid tornado. I hate this part...